What no one wants to go through.

It's December.  People should be bustling around with holiday cheer and smiling at strangers.  People should be watching movies at night with their kids and eating jello and playing board games.  People should be getting the mail and eating lunch in their dining rooms and sleeping in if there's no school or work.  But, one family on our street is not.  They are together, sure, but together in the worst way.  Their baby girl- a 2 1/2 year old who melts your heart with her smile- is very, very sick.  She has been at Children's Hospital for far too long with her tiny body fighting infections and mucus and fevers and anything else that is testing her for reasons we don't understand.  I've been avoiding talking about it here because it scares me. 

Some of you know her, some don't.  She is one of the sweetest people I've met- grown or not.  She loves life and pets and babies and everyone around her.  Her mommy and daddy are having the worst month of their lives.  They should not be spending December- or any month for that matter- in a hospital room praying for their baby's life.  They are enduring things that we cannot imagine and that we, as parents, have to stop ourselves from thinking about for fear of ending up curled up on the floor in puddles of tears.

And, what the heck do you do for someone else going through that?  I've never been through anything like that and I have no idea where to start.  We pray.  Every night we pray for Bri and her mommy and daddy and her unborn brother or sister.  We are making them food so they don't have to eat hospital food.  Our street is truly a family and we have each other's backs.  Is that enough?  I don't know.  It's what we've got.  I wish I could take the burden off of Jamie and Paul's shoulders for one day.  If someone knows what to do for parents going through this, please let me know.

I have a badge over there for another family fighting for their child's life and it's only fair that I give mention to one who is right. across. the street.  She is on my mind every single day.  Fight, Brianna, Fight.  For God's sake come home.  Soon.  Your silence around here is deafening.   

You can read more here but you will have to create a login.  It's ok.  Just do it.
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/briannadicola

Ah Damn.

Ella got up the stairs today.  She's been real deal crawling for a little over a week.  I mean, motoring with both knees coordinated and head down and hands cruising and little raw red marks on her knees by the end of the day crawling.  She inches towards the office.  Stops by the dog toy bin.  Keeps heading down the hall and HOLY GRAIL there's the stairs.  What is more perfect than a small, reachable ledge that's just the right height for stubby legs to swing themselves up on?  Stairs are not going to move out from under you.  They aren't going to get up and walk away (like when your doggie is sitting nicely against the couch and you grab her collar and stand up all wobbly like and your doggie looks at you like what the hell? and walks away and you fall on your face).  And, your big brother left his nice little bucket of trains on the landing so all you have to do is crawl and shimmy and swing your way up two little perfect-baby-height stairs.  Done!  Throw each and every train out of the bucket knocking yourself in the heels with half of them.  Done! 

Where did my little baby go?  I used to set her down on her kangaroo blankie in the living room and unload the dishwasher, fold some laundry, and vaccuum and know perfectly well that she'd still be there chewing on Big Bird's nose when I was done.  Smiling and laughing and perfectly content.  Damn!  Those days are over! 

I mean, yay for growth and all but LAME!  Now I am on the chase.  My saving graces are the exersaucer and the playpen.  Fortunately she still loves to get in both of those.  I am screwed when those have seen their day. 

Oh yeah, Breckin said I had a unique perspective.  And, read a new book all by himself.  And sent Daddy an email.  And, knows how to click on the Add to Wish List button when he sees toys on the computer that he likes.  And, plays computer games on playhousedisney.com and nickjr.com.  Again, where the hell did my babies go?

No Matter What You Call Him, He's Amazing.

We temporarily interrupt this family story to bring you breaking news.  My heart and eyes and brain have been sobbing for a fellow mother for the last few months.  I became aware of her story via an online network of mommies called The Bump.  While I am now living Bump-free, I still follow her blog.  Something about her baby's face, the fact that she's in Indy where my parents have such a connection, her Keegan's eyes look like my Ella's eyes, I don't know- I just really felt her story and literally tear up with each update.

Why, you ask?  Go here- I really mean it- click on this link and read her story
http://karingforkeegan.blogspot.com/

Read the About Us.  Just know that she has been through HELL and back and has moved from her home to a Ronald McDonald children's home AND lost her job because of this trauma.  Then, read this post:

http://karingforkeegan.blogspot.com/2010/07/praying-for-miracle.html

Done crying?  I'm still not.  If you haven't already read the most recent post and you need something to stop your tears of sadness, read this post:
http://karingforkeegan.blogspot.com/2010/08/remember-doctors-are-only-practicing.html

Oh, you'll still be crying but this time it should be tears of joy.

Just having a baby the same age and being able to look at my baby's perfectly healthy face and knowing that another mommy out there is going through something so horrendous and scary makes me want to be a hermit crab and hide my babies away in their rooms so nothing can hurt them.  But, knowing that some mommy out there can't go to parks and on walks and to school and to ride bikes makes me get up every day and force my kids out the door to experience precious life. 

We've sent a letter to the Chupps letting them know that another family is thinking of them and that they are being prayed for in the far reaches of suburbia.   Ella sent Keegan an Elmo and I crocheted a blankie.  We've been praying our little butts off for that baby and this recent post makes me smile like no one's business. 

Blogs are cool and the blogger world is very personal despite the distant, technology aspect.  Beth, I'm sure, never knew who she would touch when she made her blog about her new son.  I, for one, am touched. 

The big trip.

Fruit snacks   $1.00
Paint, crayons, markers, glue   $5.42
R2D2 lunchbox    $6.99
lunch at Red Robin   $22.18
play time at Kids Quest   $0.00 cause Grandma and Bapa are the coolest and got us a membership
New Buzz Lightyear undies   $5.99

Getting choked up while picking out a Batman backpack in Target just thinking about the first bus trip, the first day of school, the first recess, and 12 years of childhood flashing before my eyes. 

Priceless.

I'm not ready and he is.  It's not fair. 

True Story.

Breckin had Hope over for a playdate last night.  She hasn't been over to play in FOREVER and he was bored with me telling him that I would play with him as soon as the dinner dishes were done so he walked down the street (with me standing on the sidewalk- no, he's not big enough to go scouting the 'hood ALL by himself) and asked if she could come over. 

They had a great time.  They play VERY well together.  And, she doesn't mind playing trains and he doesn't mind playing house so it worked out well.  Here's what Dustin heard:

Hope:  Honey, I'm home from work.  Now I have to go to the gym.

Here's what I heard a little later:

Breckin:  I'll be out in the garage building a deck.
Hope:  Do you want waffles for dinner, honey?
Breckin:  Oh, yes!  Thanks!  I love brefixt for dinner.  Here's $3.

So, I don't know if he thinks Dustin has to pay for dinner or if he switched to restaurant mode.  Either way, their little exchange is hilarious and VERY accurate to their respective homes.  Minus the paying for dinner part.  Although, I think I should start charging... that could be lucrative.  ;)


Want another True Story?

I think all of the essentials have heard by now: parents, co-workers, boss, girlfriends, Ella's Supernanny.  My last day as a paid employee will be July 30th.  I will be resuming my post as Stay At Home Mom. 

Breckin will be home with me for the month of August then he's off to half-day Kindergarten in Sept.  It was a tough decision and without going into our financial spreadsheet, it's what works for us at this point.  That's all I'll say about it but instead of broke, working, and stressed we will be broke, 1/2 home, and happy.  I love couponing and finding new recipes so this will be a test of stretching the grocery dollar and finding the best free playground in the local area. 

My parents did a lot more with a lot less when I was a small child so I know it can be done.  Honestly, although I'll dearly miss my coworkers and adult time during the day, I won't miss worrying about Ella's milestones escaping me and losing the precious time of playing pretend and enjoying the carefree youth of my babies.  Everything happens for a reason and I'm just rolling with this one...