Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Gettin' Itchy

Here's something I realized:  Today, I was bored at work.  And, in the last 12 years, I haven't lived in one place for more than 2 years at a time.  Serioulsy. 

I went off to college in 1998, lived in a different dorm or apartment each year, moved into a different apt after graduating, hopped back home for a while, then to Issaquah from 2005-2007.  We've been in our Maple Valley place since Sept 2007 and this is the longest I've been in the same place since I was a kid.  I lived in the same house from the age of 5 til I left for college... so I should be content to be in one spot for a long time, right?  Nope.  I don't know why but I'm gettin itchy. 

And, not move across town itchy.  Like today, I was looking at property in Scotland.  And, how to apply for a work visa in the UK.  And job openings in Glasgow.  Like, it went that far.  Here's what else I realized.  I don't think I have the drive/guts/ability to sell our place and uproot my kids/husband and actually follow through with it.  For now, I'm content to have window shopped living in Scotland.  It would kill me to move away from all the people I love but dammit, my beautiful mother raised an independent, do-it-if-it-kills-you kind of girl.  I think if the house would sell and Dustin would be on board, I'd follow through.  What does that say? 

Here's the house that I think would be fun.
  Really?  What's so appealing about that?  Is this my mid-life crisis? 

Here's what I THINK is happening.  My momma raised my sister and I to feel totally comfortable on our own.  Went to summer camps for a week by ourselves at 1st grade.  Flew to see grandparents (not on our own) every summer.  Went to Europe with other students in high school.  Flew to see them in Indy in college.  Went to Cambridge University on my own in college.  Took the subway to London and stayed in a hostel in White Chapel late at night by myself.  I'm used to just up and doing stuff.  AND, I LOVED England/Scotland.  LOVED it.  I would live there in a heartbeat. 

I think I'm missing my travelling days and feeling bogged down by life and wish I was able to just go.  Only, this time, I want to bring my family.  I stayed in a house similar to the one above when I was in Cambridge.  I went to Scotland every weekend I could and backpacked across the Highlands.  I MISS it.  I want to show Dustin and my kids the beauty of that place and heck, I'd just stay there.

But, on the same token, I love my house.  I love my neighborhood.  It almost makes me cry when I think about how wonderful and loving and fabulous our neighbors are because I grew up on a street just like ours and I CHERISH my childhood.  They love my kids.  I want to stay where I'm at and raise my kids in the same house for the entirety of their childhood.  I want to give them what my parents gave me.  Freedom and independence and confidence.  I want them to have roots and wings.  For that, I'm just fine with window shopping my other life. 

A brick, drafty, narrow house with the washing machine in the kitchen and no dryer and a small garden in the back with wild guinea pigs and bedrooms too small for a double bed and a toaster built into the oven and tea 8 times a day will have to wait.... 

1 comment:

  1. It's not just you. Bryan and I at one point had a half-serious conversation about moving to New Zealand.

    You can always come over to my house for tea 8 times a day. :)

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